Fernbrook Resort Freelton Should Put Garbage in its Place

The management and staff of Fernbrook Resort Freelton are gracious enough to provide a great variety of tasty Tim Horton’s treats free of charge to both residents and guests at the Resort.

Which pleases everyone. Except the One-Point-One Percenters. That gang of Good Old Boys and Girls who take delight in creating mischief for mischief’s sake. At this time it would be pertinent to point out that every single member of the Good Old Boys and Girls gang is ‘a chronological adult’. It would have been nice to write ‘a mature adult’ but, no doubt, some one would try to sue this blog for libel and slander and spreading the novel coronavirus.

"Why are you using quotes around the word adults? Are you questioning our maturity? That’s harassment!" said Fernbrook Resort's scary red-headed V-Rex 

What happened was between the hours of 10:15 PM and 11:15 PM on January 24th, 2020 some members of that gang of One-Point-One Percenters took delight in maltreating some of the tasty treats while making a bit of a mess in the clubhouse during the process. They uncovered the treats and left them exposed. Hastening their expiration. They left several partially eaten treats on the front counter. Along with an open beverage. And more partially eaten treats left exposed on the tables.

"Safely store your food," recommends Chef Stephen Yan

You know what happens when you leave exposed food lying around? It attracts vermin. Mice and such. You don’t have to be Wok With Yan to figure that out. But maybe they did figure that out. And that’s probably why they did it. They wanted to attract vermin (other than themselves) to the clubhouse and they wanted the graciously provided treats to be spoiled. So that no one could enjoy. It would also give them something else to boo hoo about.

And who were among the last ‘adults’ to be seen leaving the Clubhouse around 11:15 PM on January 24^th, 2020? None other than Lumpy Rutherford and his gal pal the dreaded Red-Headed Vaginasaurus Rex or V-Rex.    

       

"You better not be accusing me of something I did... because that's harassment" remarked Fernbrook Resort's Lumpy Rutherford

And why is that significant?

Well, no one actually saw (or admitted to seeing) those ‘adults’ who committed this dastardly act. However, and coincidentally, the former home of Lumpy and the red-headed V-Rex, when the abandoned it, had a kitchen found to be full of rodent crap. Every drawer and every cupboard and every counter top in their former home was found to be mouse knee deep in vermin feces. Truly. And what would attract vermin quicker than leaving food about to entice them? A free trip to the Duchy of Fenwick? Nope. Wrong. It would be food. And if Lumpy and the red-headed V-Rex left food around their very own home to attract vermin than it would certainly not be above doing that in the Clubhouse of Fernbrook Resort in Freelton. And you folks who eat at Lumpy and V-Rex’s table – I hope you got your shots for the Hantavirus before chowing down.

"Isn't this delicious?" said Vaginasaurus Rex.

 

And while this is not proof positive that they did crime, even though they were last to leave the clubhouse, they were the last to leave the clubhouse. They had the opportunity, they had the motive and they’ve committed a similar crime in the past.           

So if you see Lumpy and his red-headed V-Rex scurrying around the park with their gang of Good Old Boys and Girls just cluck and nod your head and say, “Get that garbage out of here!” Yes, that’s right, put garbage in its place and we won’t have any more problems around here.  

"NOPE, no mouse crap in my house!" remarked longtime Fernbrook Resort resident Oscar T Grouch