Fernbrook Resort Freelton Names Mickey Mouse to 2020 Summer Olympic Team

Fernbrook Resort Freelton Names Mickey Mouse to 2020 Summer Olympic Team

In a move that surprised no one Fernbrook Resort Freelton named it’s seventeenth most popular mouse to its 2020 Summer Olympic Team and the event Mickey will be competing in is the Men’s Obnoxious Door Slamming Event. Naturally we decided to interview the mouse after the unexciting announcement was made.

And how did Mickey get involved in door slamming?

Mickey demonstrates his technique

"To be frank,I don’t like slamming home or vehicle doors at 11 PM at night, at 6 AM in the morning or any other time for that matter. But the Good Old Boys and Girls Club of Fernbrook ordered me to do it so I do it. It really cuts into my drinking time,” Mickey said with a hint of sadness in his voice. “Worse, I am so good at slamming both home and vehicle doors that I made our 2020 Summer Olympic Team.”

Then why do it we asked next? If you don’t like slamming doors.

“I do it because I don’t have the brains to think for myself,” Mickey squeaked truthfully. “What someone tells me to think I think. And what someone tells me to do I do,” he continued on, “If I were to ever think for myself it would indicate that I have a degree of spine. People might even think that I was a man and not a mouse. And that’s the last thing that I would ever want.”

Are you a male mouse at least?

“I can’t answer that on the grounds that if I do have a penis it would be an exterior one and not an exterior penis. So I really don’t know. That’s why I wear pants to hide that fact. Not like some ducks that I know.”

"Look Ma no pants!"

If we told you not to slam your doors then you would stop slamming your doors?

“I don’t think I’m supposed to answer that,” Mickey stated honestly. “The one thing I do like about slamming doors is that it disturbs all of my neighbors for no reason whatsoever than to overtly demonstrate my passive aggressive nature that I so carefully cloak.”  

So there is no joy involved in door slamming? For you at least.

Is Mickey a jerk?

“Joy is involved. But just not as much as I would like. But after reading this I think there will be a lot more joy involved. There will be non-stop door slamming. And how could joy not be involved in that?” Mickey squinted angrily.

So, basically, you’re a little bit of a jerk?

A badly slammed door

“Hey, don’t you ever call me little,” Mickey shrieked shrilly, “I can follow orders and think for myself less than any other mouse in Fernbrook. Just you watch me. You’ll see.”

And with that Mickey mouse srurried tearfully off. And as we watched Mickey scurrying off I could have sworn there was a small hand sticking out his ass controlling his every movement. .