Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Sheriff Lumpy Rutherford takes on the Cornavirus COVID-19

Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Sheriff Lumpy Rutherford takes on the Cornavirus CoViD-19

Today Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s newly elected Sherriff Lumpy Rutherford announced that if the coronavirus dared enter his park, his plans to arrest the disease.

Intrigued we inquired how he planned to arrest the disease’s progress if indeed it did dare to poke its head into Fernbrook Resort.

“With my brand new handcuffs,” replied the Sheriff proudly as he displayed the plastic handcuffs he recently purchased from the Dollar Store.

Sheriff Rutherford's new cuffs

“Wait a second… you’re going to what?”

“WITH… MY… BRAND… NEW… HANDCUFFS,” enunciated Lumpy very slowly and a bit louder. “If Mr. Corona Virus ever shows up in Fernbrook Resort I will slap these handcuffs on him so fast that they may cause a big bruise. Or even moderate chafing to the wrist. But only if the cuffs are worn for an extended period of time. At least that’s what the instructions say.”

The Dangerous Mr Corona Virus?

“You’re going to actually physically arrest a disease? A virus? Using plastic handcuffs?”

“That’s right,” intoned Sheriff Rutherford. “And I’ve phoned other countries and told them that they should do the same thing. Most of the countries told me never to phone them again. Some even changed their number to an unlisted one. Except the United States. The owner of the United States, Mr. Donald Trump, said he admired my acumen and offered to make me Director of Arresting Diseases and also Secretary in Charge of Floor Sweeping.”

“So you’re leaving? After you’ve just been elected?”

"It's AQUA-man, AQUA!"

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no… when Mr. Trump said acumen I got confused. I didn’t know if he meant the DC comic character that solved underwater fish related crimes… or that Asian car. The one made in Asia. By those Asian people. From Asianland. So I hung up the phone.”

"It's Acura, ACURA!" said the Nisan

“That’s a shame. Because we would sure have missed you. I have an idea… why don’t you call back and take the job and see if we actually miss you. Please! PRETTY PLEASE!!”

“I can’t that do that!” replied Sheriff Lumpy, “Because I already have another crime to solve.” And here he looked both ways and before whispering proudly, “When I went to the Dollar Store I noticed that some things cost more than one dollar. Some things cost two dollars and some things were even three whole dollars,” he said holding up four fingers when indicating the number three, “So they have to have completely different stores for each price. Otherwise its false advertising.”

“You mean like a Two Dollar Store? And a Three Dollar Store?”

“Exactly. So I have to arrest the entire store.”

“You’re going to arrest a building?”

“Durn tootin’ As soon as I can get handcuffs that are big enough. And after that I’m going to arrest Dr. Pepper. Not a real doctor,” Lumpy nodded softly as he tapped his nose with one finger. “And after that Colonel Sanders, then Mr. Lube, and…”

"I ain't no tom fool," said Lumpy, OR AM I?"

Looks to be a tomfool year in Fernbrook Resort Freelton.