Fernbrook Resort Freelton: “It’s Not Wrong Give our Neighbor’s Car a Golden Shower!”

Fernbrook Resort Freelton: “It’s Not Wrong Give our Neighbor’s Car a Golden Shower!”

"Does anyone see a good vehicle?" Sheriff Rutherford asked his companions.

Recently we learned that Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s beloved Sheriff, Lumpy Rutherford, admitted to travelling all the way to neighboring London to urinate on a passenger car door handle.

So impressed were we with his candor that we decided to speak with Lumpy’s mom and get her take on her Sheriff/son’s behavior.

Lumpy Rutherford's proud mommy?

“I’m not surprised,” said Mrs. Rutherford, “Lumpy has always had an extremely overactive bladder. As a child he actually made his own waterbed. Every single night. Well… we told him it was water. But it wasn’t really. If you know what I mean,” she sighed sadly.

Continuing on Mrs. Rutherford added, “As a child he would urinate all over his toy cars. He would creep out late at night and relieve himself on our neighbor’s vehicles. And whenever we passed a car lot, new or used, he would get so excited that he was unable to control himself. It wasn’t until his early twenties that he could exercise any semblance of self control and we could wean him off adult diapers and put him in ‘Big Boy’ pants.”

“Then there was the day he became a real fake police officer. We were so proud of him. Solving that crime about the doughnut holes. We really thought he was starting to grow up. To mature. But, unfortunately, he was still unable to control his bladder,” she remarked sadly, “he was caught urinating all over police cars and vans as well as private citizens who stopped by the station.”

Lumpy Rutherford's personal call sign?

“Finally, after 18 years, Lumpy left the police by mutual agreement, they agreed not to press charges and he agreed to forgo a pension. Eventually he ended up in Fernbrook Resort. Where he was named Sheriff. But even that didn’t cure his predilection for urinating on people’s cars. As London found out. But I am proud of my son. Because legally speaking he is my son. So I have to be proud of his behavior. Even though it reflects on my poor parenting skills… and my overall failure to raise a child to adulthood. People who know my son consider him to be a complete and utter Tomfool… and I can’t argue against him acting like a fool or being a Tom.” 

"I would dye for a golden shower from Lumpy"