Fernbrook Resort Freelton – Home to One Family’s Most Cherished Tomfool

Fernbrook Resort Freelton – Home to One Family’s Most Cherished Tomfool   

Sheriff Lumpy Rutherford, Fernbrook Resort's Most Cherished Tomfool?

Dedicated fans of Fernbrook Resort Freelton’s Lumpy Rutherford were extremely pleased to learn a little bit about our well respected Sheriff. So pleased that we decided to speak to the esteemed lawman’s proud Papa Mister Rutherford.

Are you pleased,” we asked, “with your son Lumpy’s behavior? referencing his proclivity for urinating on the handles of car doors owned by personal friends?

Lumpy Rutherford's father "Mister"

“Really, really pleased,” replied his doting Dad. “Urinating on people’s private property and evacuating our bowels into our own cupboards at home is a well practiced family tradition. A practice our ancestors brought with them to this new land when we were forcibly exiled.”

Good heavens… you mean to say –  

“I guess not all people enjoy finding lumps of human feces in their kitchen cupboards of a home they graciously sublet. Or learning that a beloved sheriff walks around in the middle of the night urinating on the car doors of native Fernbrookians.”

Ewwwwww!!!!!

 

“That’s not the only reason we’re so proud of our son. Upholding our most cherished family tradition.”

Oh? Please… continue… 

I dyed for a Tomfool

“More importantly our son Lumpy is, in no uncertain terms, a certified Tomfool. Mrs. Rutherford and I never dreamed such a thing would be possible for the boy… but he has exceeded our expectations. And it makes us so happy and so proud,” he continued with a tear in his eye, “Lumpy went from being a fake OPP officer for eighteen years, to driving a school bus in his bathrobe in the middle of the day to, eventually, becoming a Sheriff in a lawless resort town. YET still having the time to maintain our family traditions for future generations of our clan. He is not just our family’s most dedicated tomfool he is also a tom in all the ways such a word can be defined.”

Capital summation to an awkward discussion we thought as we walked away. Capital!